Saturday, August 23, 2014

Where to begin...Let's start with God is faithful...

For those that follow us on Facebook, as you know our precious daughter Taellor relocated to heaven a couple of months ago.....This has been some of the hardest, most difficult, yet real and incredible times of our journey thus far....

I wish in hindsight I would have posted here what I was posting daily on Facebook but...I was posting as God was leading....so I am going to move those posts to here for those who are not on Facebook.  I will start with today's and work my way backwards...

Taellor made a journal for her best friend Annie a year ago...I remember buying the journal but didn't realize that Tae had wrote scripture references for Annie to look up and read.... Annie didn't look at them until the night that Taellor died.  We are currently in 1 Peter.... God has been so faithful that over a year ago...He was preparing Taellor and was laying the foundation to what would encourage us in our faith.

Thank you for your prayers and support....encouragement.  We have been surrounded by God's people...literally bathed in Truth and for that we are grateful.  I post daily...sometimes hourly on Facebook as God walks us through this journey of faith.... Tammy Conner Stearns. If you aren't on Facebook, I will post the daily Bible study here also.

For those that have asked on on how to honor Taellor...donations and such....

Donations can be made to Project H.O.P.E. in memory of Taellor Stearns
1419 South Enterprise, Springfield, MO 65804 and either attention women's ministry or Tae's House  (The money will used used to continue doing ministry to those children that Tae was ministering to).

or for those who have asked about donating specifically to our family:

Project H.O.P.E. attention Stearns Family
1419 South Enterprise, Springfield, MO 65804 (The money will be used to continue our service here in Nicaragua)

100% of all money goes towards the ministry designated and tax forms will be sent at the end of the year. 


July 18th

1 Peter 1:10-12

Concerning this salvation, the prophets, who spoke of the grace that was to come to you, searched intently and with the greatest care, trying to find out the time and circumstances to which the Spirit of Christ in them was pointing when he predicted the sufferings of Christ and the glories that would follow. It was revealed to them that they were not serving themselves but you, when they spoke of the things that have now been told you by those who have preached the gospel to you by the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Even angels long to look into these things.

They searched intently and with greatest care..... Oh Lord, I pray that when I study Your word that I would search intently and with greatest care. I pray that discernment would be sharpened....that the gravity of the Truth would never fail to pierce my heart...

Yet, too many times I have read quickly through Your Truth without searching, listening without the reverence of those who have come before us.

I remember seeking one time....for God's Truth. It was several years before I finally accepted Christ but I remember it vividly. I asked a friend about her Christ....specific questions to which she had no response other than it was better to believe and it not be true than not believe and burn in hell. I have a difficult time accepting that one....I just do. And yet, during what I call my "activity seeking phase", I would ask the same questions to those who would come to our house representing different religions....and they knew the answers....they could quickly turn in their references and show me.... I found this to be true time and time again.

Even today, we serve in some relatively dangerous areas....areas that I would not go into if I didn't have a relationship with those we are going to serve....and daily I meet those of other beliefs boldly encountering the danger. Walking at nighttime....bringing their beliefs to those who will listen.... And I have the greatest Power of all behind me when we go in and we are cautious to the point of sometimes almost being nonengaging....

Satan has encouraged us to fill our lives with things and events we "need", has encouraged us to fill our homes with Bibles that are rarely opened...much less searched intently and with greatest care... and with this, comes the loss of intimately knowing Our Father....of having woven into our hearts the Truth that will truly set us free.

The world may call us Christians because we go to church, carry a Bible, walked down an aisle, give freely to the poor.....but the world doesn't get to decide. In fact, the world will placate our souls into believing that we are solid....when we really know that we are not.

This is not a game based on attendance and there literally is not a second place....with those stakes....how can we not keep from pouring God's words into our hearts....searching intently and carefully...So that we might be called a Christian by the only Voice that matters.


July 17


1 Peter 1:8-9

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

Inexpressible and glorious joy. There is a peace that comes with knowing.....really knowing whose you are.....through that comes freedom through which joy simply overflows.

As we walk this path of faith, we find moments in our lives....in our day to day life that we have the opportunity to practice obedience and discipline within our faith. Maybe it is not only choosing not to gossip at work but not even listen, maybe it is choosing to extend grace to the driver that is driving too slow or cuts your off, maybe it is choosing demonstrating unconditional love to your family....the ones who experience your life between closed doors...., or maybe it is choosing to give back the excess the change that you were mistakenly given. Each one of these comes with the requirement of action on our part....how do we choose to respond? The other parties can stomp on our lives, create the biggest chaos...but when our turn comes...how do we respond? Over time as we choose to respond as Christ would respond....we find that our very souls are filled with uncontainable joy.... We were created for good. We were. A choice put sin in this world and choice either puts sin in our lives or pushes it away.

Quite awhile ago the idea of WWJD came out....What Would Jesus Do....and that's it....what would He do. I can tell you that hate inside your mind and soul grows.....it's flame fanned by satan. And I know....but he...but she....but they.... I know. But the only person I can control is me, my thoughts, my actions. When we stand before Christ, we stand alone. Alone. No excuses....no jury trial.....

Have we taken the gifts that we have been given and used them for His kingdom.....for others' souls? Have we taken the free will that we have been given and used it to exercise mercy and grace so that others might see Christ through us?

I say over and over again that what I miss most in Tae was serving beside her....and friends, it wasn't just our scheduled ministry times it was anywhere she saw opportunity to extend love.... Her God wasn't in a box to pull out at our ministry stops or on Sunday....He was full on all the time.

Life is too short.....too short to live miserable, stressed, hateful, jaded, disappointed, depressed....too short. Starting today, choose Christ....choose joy. Choose to respond out of love even while tears flow down your face. Live as we were created to be.



July 16



1 Peter 1:5-7

....who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

About a year ago, Slaton was playing with some friends nearby....close enough to be in earshot. Trav and I heard him tell the boy he was playing with (who was older and bigger) to take his best shot. He proceeded to explain that he had his force field surrounding him and he couldn't be hurt. As we watched, the boy clarified twice with Slate and each time he was confident that he couldn't be hurt. He stood tall as the other boy hit him in the stomach as hard as he could. Slate took a deep breath and walked away.... As I came to his side I could hear him talking to himself....he really thought he had a force shield that could not be penetrated just like the Power Rangers.

Through faith.... We are shielded by God's power. This doesn't mean that we won't experience hardships or even unbelievable daunting circumstances...for we are told we will in the next verse that we will and our faith will be made stronger for it. Yet, our souls can not be harmed, touched, challenged once we have salvation in Jesus Christ. Can't be.

Yet, I think sometimes we just glean the surface of our world....Our perspective starts to take on very "worldy" overtones. It is when we face true hardships and we stop and take an account of what truly matters that we see how quickly the impurities of our lives rise to the surface and are skimmed away....many times without our knowledge that they are even gone.

The day that Tae died.....I can tell you exactly what I was worried about before I got the phone call....I was on my way to pick up the attorney to perform a double wedding in the dump. I was concerned about whether or not the right paperwork would be there...whether or not I had bought enough cake.... All valid concerns....but the souls of those present at the wedding was not one of my concerns.... I was caught up in the busyness of what we were doing that day.. I know, details are important and it is all part of the mission of what we are doing so maybe their souls were a given.... Yet, these are some of the very ploys that satan uses against us.

I don't consider Tae's death a trial upon us. We are all going to die....we just are. We look at Tae's death as a job well finished and her just basically relocating to heaven....the trial comes in our response to her absence in this world.....the trial comes in carrying on or allowing satan to rob us of finishing our race well....the trial comes in allowing the impurities to be skimmed off or fighting to hold on to them because to let them go would change our lives.

And the prize....is the greatest freedom imaginable.

Photo: 1 Peter 1:5-7

....who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.  In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire- may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

About a year ago, Slaton was playing with some friends nearby....close enough to be in earshot.  Trav and I heard him tell the boy he was playing with (who was older and bigger) to take his best shot.  He proceeded to explain that he had his force field surrounding him and he couldn't be hurt. As we watched, the boy clarified twice with Slate and each time he was confident that he couldn't be hurt. He stood tall as the other boy hit him in the stomach as hard as he could.  Slate took a deep breath and walked away.... As I came to his side I could hear him talking to himself....he really thought he had a force shield that could not be penetrated just like the Power Rangers.

Through faith.... We are shielded by God's power.  This doesn't mean that we won't experience hardships or even unbelievable daunting circumstances...for we are told we will in the next verse that we will and our faith will be made stronger for it.  Yet, our souls can not be harmed, touched, challenged once we have salvation in Jesus Christ.  Can't be.

Yet, I think sometimes we just glean the surface of our world....Our perspective starts to take on very "worldy" overtones.  It is when we face true hardships and we stop and take an account of what truly matters that we see how quickly the impurities of our lives rise to the surface and are skimmed away....many times without our knowledge that they are even gone.

The day that Tae died.....I can tell you exactly what I was worried about before I got the phone call....I was on my way to pick up the attorney to perform a double wedding in the dump.  I was concerned about whether or not the right paperwork would be there...whether or not I had bought enough cake.... All valid concerns....but the souls of those present at the wedding was not one of my concerns.... I was caught up in the busyness of what we were doing that day.. I know, details are important and it is all part of the mission of what we are doing so maybe their souls were a given.... Yet, these are some of the very ploys that satan uses against us.

I don't consider Tae's death a trial upon us.  We are all going to die....we just are.  We look at Tae's death as a job well finished and her just basically relocating to heaven....the trial comes in our response to her absence in this world.....the trial comes in carrying on or allowing satan to rob us of finishing our race well....the trial comes in allowing the impurities to be skimmed off or fighting to hold on to them because to let them go would change our lives.

And the prize....is the greatest freedom imaginable.
July 15


Photo: One of the many blessings that we have seen..... the love between these two boys.  A fear of mine was that we would have two different families...that Dev wouldn't know Antonio.... I so loved the relationship between all three of our kids and so wanted that for Antonio.. the instant bond was amazing! Just amazing!!! Makes a mamma's heart happy:)


One of the many blessings that we have seen..... the love between these two boys. A fear of mine was that we would have two different families...that Dev wouldn't know Antonio.... I so loved the relationship between all three of our kids and so wanted that for Antonio.. the instant bond was amazing! Just amazing!!! Makes a mamma's heart happy:)



1st Peter 1:1-4

To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithunia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood.

Now with the hindsight of Tae's death, it doesn't surprise me that she would write down 1st Peter in her journal for Annie....the word hope interwoven throughout its tapestry of words. Hope.

There came a time.....before we moved here that we realized that we would not be able to "save the world"... That no matter all the work we do in the village, the food we distribute, the the feet we are able to put shoes on, the houses we build, the wells we drill, the gardens we plant.... We will not fix this. God tells us in the Bible that we will always have poverty....until He fixes it, and only He that can, we will not.

But our purpose is to share Christ's love by doing each of those actions above.....build relationships....disciple....and then when they ask....we can share the hope that can only be found in Christ.....a hope that doesn't tarnish, fade, spoil or perish....eternal hope.

And that is why we are here. Obedience doesn't come easy....the world will tell you that you are crazy....fellow Christians may tell you that you've suffered too much already....but obedience to Jesus Christ comes with a price. The letting go of things of this world, the believing that His word holds true, the courage to stand when all others step aside....

Belief for us is easy.....sometimes it even comes with "perks"...where you go to church....who you know...but there are Christians around the world today that are burned alive for their faith....Would your faith stand when encountering blazing fire? Would mine? And since we aren't encountering blazing fire, what are we doing with the freedom of expression that we have been given? Are we bold?

Eternal hope....that's the prize.

Photo: 1st Peter 1:1-4

To God's elect, strangers in the world, scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithunia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, for obedience to Jesus Christ and sprinkling by his blood.

Now with the hindsight of Tae's death, it doesn't surprise me that she would write down 1st Peter in her journal for Annie....the word hope interwoven throughout its tapestry of words. Hope.

There came a time.....before we moved here that we realized that we would not be able to "save the world"... That no matter all the work we do in the village, the food we distribute, the the feet we are able to put shoes on, the houses we build, the wells we drill, the gardens we plant.... We will not fix this. God tells us in the Bible that we will always have poverty....until He fixes it, and only He that can, we will not.

But our purpose is to share Christ's love by doing each of those actions above.....build relationships....disciple....and then when they ask....we can share the hope that can only be found in Christ.....a hope that doesn't tarnish, fade, spoil or perish....eternal hope.

And that is why we are here.  Obedience doesn't come easy....the world will tell you that you are crazy....fellow Christians may tell you that you've suffered too much already....but obedience to Jesus Christ comes with a price.  The letting go of things of this world, the believing that His word holds true, the courage to stand when all others step aside.... 

Belief for us is easy.....sometimes it even comes with "perks"...where you go to church....who you know...but there are Christians around the world today that are burned alive for their faith....Would your faith stand when encountering blazing fire?  Would mine?  And since we aren't encountering blazing fire, what are we doing with the freedom of expression that we have been given? Are we bold?  

Eternal hope....that's the prize.


July 14



I find that today.....a month in feels exactly like a month...no more, no less. The day started like any other....filled with the promise of good ministry and the girls (Tae and Annie) hanging out with the boys. We had just completed probably some of our best three weeks here in Nicaragua. Tae served, loved and spoke bolder than we had ever seen...to the point that we were asking ourselves earlier in the week what was going on? Where did the change come from...she was always good but this was radically good. I loved it.

For those that have been concerned and asked....(and for those who were concerned but out of concern of us didn't ask...), she died instantly. I love how Annie put it... she was sitting in a hammock one moment and in the next she was in heaven....it was almost as if her spirit was gone before her head hit the ground. When I got to her body, physical evidence pointed towards this possibility also.... God takes care of His children.

We have grown so much in this last month....time and time again, God has demonstrated His faithfulness, His power, His comfort... We have been asked if we would have moved to Nicaragua if we would have known Tae would die here....and without hesitation, yes. Tae was going to die on that day regardless where she was....and, oh the glory, to finish your days doing exactly what God created you to do....

I find it fitting, and no coincidence, that as we embark on the first month mark...it is our first day back into normal ministry schedule (although, I think you will see a few radical changes:)) and is also the place in Tae's journal where she left Annie with 1st and 2nd Peter.....or better yet, how to carry on....how we should live....what we should do.

It is a drastic change. I find myself thinking of the rich young ruler....and I know most of us think that we aren't rich so it doesn't apply to us.......but if your are reading this on your own personal iphone, iPad,computer with your own internet....you probably do fit in the category of the world's rich....(found in Matthew 19:16-30...also Mark and Luke). He wasn't willing to give up the one thing that God asked him to give up.... He would do anything but that.

Who would God ask you to be? What would He tell you? I think most of us already know but yet it isn't a response that we want to hear....so instead we wait and anticipate another response....one that won't be forthcoming.

The world will tell you that it is your right to be happy here....you've worked hard, you deserve it all....and yet Christ warns us that as believers our citizenship is in heaven.....not here where many live as enemies of the cross of Christ with their destiny of destruction, their god their stomach and their glory in their shame. (Phillippians 3:18-19)

Say yes....and do whatever it is His is asking of you....whatever it is. The first step is the hardest....satan will tell you it is impossible and ridiculous..that you aren't worthy...... Funny how when it is something not good for us, satan says we deserve it and we are more than worthy and yet, when we try to step out in obedience to Christ....he tells us opposite lies.

"Send me out to the darkness, I'll hold the flame." And that, I love.....give me a torch.

Photo: I find that today.....a month in feels exactly like a month...no more, no less.  The day started like any other....filled with the promise of good ministry and the girls (Tae and Annie) hanging out with the boys. We had just completed probably some of our best three weeks here in Nicaragua. Tae served, loved and spoke bolder than we had ever seen...to the point that we were asking ourselves earlier in the week what was going on? Where did the change come from...she was always good but this was radically good. I loved it. 

For those that have been concerned and asked....(and for those who were concerned but out of concern of us didn't ask...), she died instantly.  I love how Annie put it... she was sitting in a hammock one moment and in the next she was in heaven....it was almost as if her spirit was gone before her head hit the ground.  When I got to her body, physical evidence pointed towards this possibility also.... God takes care of His children.

We have grown so much in this last month....time and time again, God has demonstrated His faithfulness, His power, His comfort... We have been asked if we would have moved to Nicaragua if we would have known Tae would die here....and without hesitation, yes. Tae was going to die on that day regardless where she was....and, oh the glory, to finish your days doing exactly what God created you to do....

I find it fitting, and no coincidence, that as we embark on the first month mark...it is our first day back into normal ministry schedule (although, I think you will see a few radical changes:)) and is also the place in Tae's journal where she left Annie with 1st and 2nd Peter.....or better yet, how to carry on....how we should live....what we should do.

It is a drastic change.  I find myself thinking of the rich young ruler....and I know most of us think that we aren't rich so it doesn't apply to us.......but if your are reading this on your own personal iphone, iPad,computer with your own internet....you probably do fit in the category of the world's rich....(found in Matthew 19:16-30...also Mark and Luke).  He wasn't willing to give up the one thing that God asked him to give up.... He would do anything but that. 

Who would God ask you to be? What would He tell you? I think most of us already know but yet it isn't a response that we want to hear....so instead we wait and anticipate another response....one that won't be forthcoming. 

The world will tell you that it is your right to be happy here....you've worked hard, you deserve it all....and yet Christ warns us that as believers our citizenship is in heaven.....not here where many live as enemies of the cross of Christ with their destiny of destruction, their god their stomach and their glory in their shame. (Phillippians 3:18-19)

Say yes....and do whatever it is His is asking of you....whatever it is.  The first step is the hardest....satan will tell you it is impossible and ridiculous..that you aren't worthy......  Funny how when it is something not good for us, satan says we deserve it and we are more than worthy and yet,  when we try to step out in obedience to Christ....he tells us opposite lies.

"Send me out to the darkness, I'll hold the flame." And that, I love.....give me a torch.


July 13



I love how God listens and responds.....Yesterday and last night as I was preparing to "jump back in the saddle" so to speak....(Up until this time, we have had ministry focused on Tae or the soccer team or real encounter so our weekly ministries have been different....All God's timing for provision of rest and healing for us. But this week marks coming back to normal schedule) and it has been difficult..sad actually thinking of serving without her nearby loving on the kids.... I know it is okay to be sad.... I know. But God really spoke to me in this one today.....

This afternoon, God took me to the back of the book of Jonah.... Remember, Jonah was upset with God because He was going to give the people of Nineveh mercy instead of instant destruction...so he walks angrily out to a place outside of the city and waits to see what God will do. God provided a vine over Jonah to provide shade....to which Jonah was happy...until God sent a worm to eat the vine... And this made Jonah angry. God questioned if Jonah had the right to be angry over something that he didn't make grow....a simple vine and yet not concerned about the many people of Nineveh.....

Wow...what a reminder. Should my sadness over not being able to do ministry with Taellor on this earth be more than the sadness I should feel for those who do not know Him....for the very people that we have been called to serve. Tae's eternity has already been decided....that portion of the game over and played... But what about those soul's that have not chosen....those that haven't heard... Does my heart ache as much for them?

The words of the song says "break my heart for what breaks yours...." God's heart isn't broken over Tae....He's rejoicing with her today. And we are, too. He reminded me today of what breaks His heart....the orphans, starving children from both food and love, souls undecided....and that is what we should cry over..
 July 13



1 Peter: 3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment , such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

We hear it said over and over that true beauty is what is found on the inside....now it has been said so much that it is almost taken as a joke....and that is so unfortunate....because that truly is where is is found.

Tae had her own sense of style. She loved to take old clothes, tear them apart and sew them back together into something new....and somehow, someway she could pull it off....looking back I think that came from who she was inside....she was confident in whose she was and that was beautiful.

We saw her transform from a very strong-willed child into a fearless young woman....that transformation was made through Christ. Totally sold out, here I am, use me however you want...every single day. She had lice so many times that it was pretty much a weekly treatment....she never flinch or shied away from where He was leading her. So many people asked us how our teenage daughter was doing down here.....She flourished in a way that only God can provide.

God isn't telling us not to be beautiful here....He'a telling us not to try find our beauty in worldly adornments but rather let His beauty shine through our lives..... Go shine today.

Photo: 1 Peter: 3-4

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment , such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

We hear it said over and over that true beauty is what is found on the inside....now it has been said so much that it is almost taken as a joke....and that is so unfortunate....because that truly is where is is found.

Tae had her own sense of style. She loved to take old clothes, tear them apart and sew them back together into something new....and somehow, someway she could pull it off....looking back I think that came from who she was inside....she was confident in whose she was and that was beautiful.

We saw her transform from a very strong-willed child into a fearless young woman....that transformation was made through Christ. Totally sold out, here I am, use me however you want...every single day.  She had lice so many times that it was pretty much a weekly treatment....she never flinch or shied away from where He was leading her.  So many people asked us how our teenage daughter was doing down here.....She flourished in a way that only God can provide.

God isn't telling us not to be beautiful here....He'a telling us not to try find our beauty in worldly adornments but rather let His beauty shine through our lives..... Go shine today.
July 12                                                                                  James 2:26... Each one more poignant that the one before it as we poured over scripture laid out by our daughter over a year prior.... Reminding us, pointing towards Christ....then reminding us again of how to continue.

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead.

She hadn't danced in years. She was a good dancer...the type that could evoke emotion...that could make your feel the choreography. She did a piece on suicide once that left a full auditorium completely silent....almost disturbing but so incredible real as she portrayed a bullied girl driven to desperation. She stopped dancing in order to, in her own words, devote her whole body to Christ.

But I remember this afternoon, for whatever reason she started free dancing under the cabana...just for fun. After that she started dancing with the ladies at the cancer shelter and kids at the dump. It was her desire to bring arts to the kids she encountered so that they too might learn to express themselves.

This verse is true... the body without the spirit is dead. Only a shell left behind of the spirit that was once in it. ...a beautiful shell but none the less a shell.

A lot of people have asked how this has changed how I look upon life. I think my thoughts can be summed up in the second part of this verse... Faith without deeds is dead.... We only have so much time here on this earth, only much time to do the work that we've been given to do...each of us. Tae's death has increased the urgency in me to go and do...go and love...go and be the hands and feet of Christ. I do not know when my time on earth will end but what I do know is that until that day comes I will serve Him to my fullest....and that is the greatest privilege of all.


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