Sunday, September 11, 2016

Hope, in the midst of tragedy.


There seems to be so much hurt in this world today. Perhaps, not any more than in the past. Perhaps, because of the media it seems that it has increased significantly only by perception or perhaps it simply has. Today as I receive word of multiple families in various stages of tragedy highlighted by the tragedy of our nation fifteen years ago, I'm taken back to that day when our life changed in an instant.

I remember leaving the house. Taellor and Annie on the couch. Tae had just made some guacamole for lunch and the boys were playing outside. I remember messing the top of her head over the back of the couch as I said goodbye and I remember the hollow feeling that I felt when I received the first phone call. A hollow feeling that seemed to grow deeper and deeper with each subsequent call as the reality sunk in that our lives had taken a turn down a path that we had not foreseen. I remember how quickly God placed Psalm 139 in my head. I remember Michel Fletes Jimenes bringing Travis' Bible to hospital and with no words simply handed it to us. I remember reading that He knew her number of days. He knew before I had even held her.

But just as quickly, satan began to play a part. He began to masquerade attempting to spin a web of deceit and deception. "Did He really know?, Does it really say He knew? What if it is all a lie? What if it isn't even true? Whose fault is it really? Maybe it is mine for having let her? Maybe it is for placing the hammock where it was?" He was masterful. He was relentless. He tried to create disharmony and doubt. He wanted to take what the world would call tragedy and make it truly tragic.

He wanted to take our joy. He wanted to take credit for our daughter leaving this earth. He wanted to label it an act of evil as if he were the mastermind of her life, of her soul, of her death. He wanted it to cause us to stumble, to fall in our faith and to ultimately destroy our lives and he stopped at nothing. Within three days of Taellor's death, three other trees had fallen on our property. Three. He wanted to scare us.

Our refuge, though, was found in our Father. He protected us during that time ever so gently. Even though satan's arrows were unleashed, even though their fire was felt, He extinguished each and every one. It was almost as if I knew that standing close to Him, looking full-face only and ONLY, unto Him then we could walk this path and we would find joy in knowing Whose she was and where she was. We would miss her but we could rest assured that she was safer than she had ever been in her entire life. We would revel in her race well run.

I found myself only seeking refuge in Him. My survival meant focusing on Him and His message. If there was another thought, another doubt another possibility, it wasn't mine to entertain. Unless it was Scriptural, it wasn't mine to consider. I learned a lot during that time. I learned how often I would look to others for advice before seeking Him or how often I would seek others to find another way perhaps than the one He had shown. My faith, that day, was strengthened by His grace and His mercy. My faith, daily is strengthened, as I continue to lean into Him as the journey without my only daughter on this earth continues.

In Genesis, Joseph responds to his brothers, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

So that others might know.
Live worthy.

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